Edit the following paragraph down to no more than two lines:
“The heavy black and blue winter sky groaned awfully with rain clouds that at any moment were really about to fall crashing heavily down upon the street where, because it was rush hour, so many people, wearing all manner of different clothes, hats, shoes, boots, some of them carrying bags, suitcases, briefcases, scampered and strolled about the place as though oblivious to what was just about to happen over their very heads. One of these people was called Hilary and concealed inside her voluminous coat she carried the loaded, snub-nosed gun, and she also seemed to be the only one looking upwards into the tempestuous thundery heavens.” (FutureLearn, 2016)
My edited paragraph:
sky groaned with rain clouds that were about to fall crashing heavily
down upon the street where people scampered about as though oblivious
to what was about to happen. Hilary, who concealed inside her coat
the loaded, snub-nosed gun, seemed to be the only one looking upwards
into the tempestuous heavens.
FutureLearn. Page from start writing fiction – the open university. Available at: https://www.futurelearn.com/courses/start-writing-fiction/5/steps/55985 (Accessed: 6 February 2016).